Macy's Stays Losing...if your aren't a young professional

(Should be working on a research proposal to help me graduate...going on 5 years...but I got distracted)

Alright.
So while thinking about my future and realizing I need to start dressing like an adult I began window shopping on Macy's for clothes that are fit for teacher, yet still being fly enough to make young lady teachers wanna take a little bit longer to grab coffee between classes....
So I noticed that when looking clothes that most male models would wear it seems that they do a good job with "Casual Men" type stuff Sweaters, V Necks, Crewnecks, Khakis...shit like that. Stepdad gear ya know? The clothing that lets people know you've dated at least 1 lady with a child who has told you:
"You're not my daddy!"
Bastards.
Check it:

Just your typical successful guys right? Nothing out of normality there.
So of course I needed to do a comparison, so I decided to see what the "Urban" section had to offer then I saw this cat:

Followed by my mans right hererere:
http://slimages.macys.com/is/image/MCY/products/7/optimized/478917_fpx.tif?bgc=255,255,255&wid=167&qlt=90,0&layer=comp&op_sharpen=0&resMode=bicub&op_usm=0.7,1.0,0.5,0&fmt=jpeg
When you grow up Conservative, you don't eph with LRG. Its a fact. It's like being form NYC and saying you've never had Timbs before.
Going further I see this dude:

We ALL know that slight high school photo lean is played out, and that mustache has gotta go...Unless you do softcore porn (what up PASSION COVE)
Then you got my dude with the Ed Hardy (aside: No body wears Ed Hardy who isn't a club promoter in their late 20's with a sidekick right Jonny D?)

Sparkling ass jeans LOOKIN BOY (hate that song by the way even if it is a joke)
Then we got this dude right here who looks like he let his successful sister dress him...looking mad confused:

And take 2...No he didn't put on the stunner shades...

How does a T-shirt go from being $132 to $58(on sale)? because nobody wears that shit. All them rhinestones and mini sleeves. Losing. Yet we are still in the Urban section.
Asked the girlfriend about Ed Hardy:
Royal: Google Ed Hardy and tell me what you think.
TheGirlfriend:haha it looks like he doodled all over a bunch of t-shirts and called it designing
Royal: thats what we've come to
Royal: exactly
TheGirlfriend: no original shapes, or concepts
TRUTH.

TIME OUT. Just found a dude looking completely LOST (no John Locke) wearing COOGI...

Coogi died in 2003 at the latest and you must...must have some form of facial hair to wear Coogi if your tryin to be Gutter, yet excessively warm in the Cosby sweater of the new millennium.

Alright I could do this shit all day but I'm calling it quits because I feel awful.
Macy's do me a favor.
1. Stop carrying Ed Hardy, hipsters won't even wear it.
2. Your models look totally out of place in the Urban category.
3. Coogi is worn exclusively by Rick Ross.
4. No body wears poofy vests since Missy Elliot.
5. I need to Obama the gear and make sure my pants fit.

-Royal